House Flamingo
“The Pink Remembers.”
Read the dossier →The Flamingo Rebellion — Where not all shall reign: the battle for the one true throne.
A satirical chronicle of the Covenant Hollow Homeowners Association
Not every lawn has a throne.
Beneath the picket fences and the freshly mowed stripes, a small American planned community is behaving like a medieval kingdom. The prize is a single beige executive office chair — the Chair — bolted to the floor of Clubhouse Room B. The war is for the right to be the neighborhood’s single loudest opinion. Everything is at stake. And nothing actually matters.
Declaration of the Flamingo Rebellion
By Royal Decree of the King of the Pink
Let it be known to all houses of the Hollow: no lawn shall be ruled by a clipboard, and no ornament shall be felled for exceeding eighteen inches. The pink remembers. The throne is a lawn chair, and it belongs to everyone — and therefore to no one.
Who is out for the throne?
Six factions. One beige chair. Zero consequences.
House Gnome
“Grow, or Begone.”
Read the dossier →the Established Board
“As It Was, So It Shall Be — Forever.”
Read the dossier →The Coven
“We See All Non-Compliance.”
Read the dossier →House Rose
“We Grow, Gently, and We Watch.”
Read the dossier →House Pylon
“Chaos Is a Ladder.”
Read the dossier →The Chronicles
Seed dispatches from the front lines of the mulch wars.
A Brief History of the Chair
In-universe history of the beige throne, as told by the dynasty that has sat on it for eighteen years.
Reference 19.2: The Mulch Color Dispute
The Board declares emergency session over the precise color of mulch, and the realm divides into red and black.
The Garden Walk
The annual Garden Walk is a celebration of horticulture — and absolutely, one hundred percent, not an intelligence operation.
The Chair Is Not for Sitting
At the February vote, the old guard learns the hard way that the Chair is not a seat — it is a siege.
Eleven Signs You Are Losing the Throne
A completely serious, entirely unsolicited listicle on the plainly visible symptoms of a waning reign.
The Night the Flamingo Stood
Every rebellion needs a first night. This one began with a single plastic bird and a covenant about eighteen inches.
The Pylon Price of Empire
House Pylon does not take sides in the war for the throne. It takes percentages.
Inspection Is Coming
The Long Inspection arrives, and when the Board's dragon appears on your lawn, you learn who the neighborhood has been watching.
The Neighborhood Remembers
On the eve of the vote, the historian of the Hollow — the Garden Committee — decides which version of the story survives.
The Red Mulch Wedding
The Board's annual potluck is a fine gathering of casseroles, and a sharper gathering of knives.